Angel Among Us
by Skyelyr Shepard
Summary: James realizes he is falling in love with Commander Shepard, a woman he sees as not entirely human. Oneshot. Major Kaidan Alenko makes an appearance.


James thought maybe she was like those avenging angels his _abuela _told him stories about when he was young. They descended from the skies wielding swords of flame. Shepard had blood on her hands no doubt but she was still brave and beautiful and forthright and beyond anything he had ever heard of. She was a goddess among heathens and she pined for something beyond. Something James did not see. He could catch remnants of it sliding from her eyes when he spoke to her and drew her out of that deep thoughtful state of mind. Maybe she longed for peace. James didn't know.

James didn't know how he felt about her either. But he loved her all the same. It was not the hero-crush he had cultivated; then when he had seen her on the vids and been in love with the accolades and achievements and mystery of this perfect soldier. Nor was this a physical thing. He had long ago quit denying she was extremely attractive to him, hell, to everybody. But it wasn't those long slender legs, her jet black hair or her startlingly beautiful face that caught him. He could sense there was something about this woman that belonged to a plane that transcended humanity. She was pained for every life she could not save, every colonist or child or soldier. James thought she belonged with the gods. Perhaps she was a piece of them, a slice of hope thrown to the helpless masses in their time of need.

James wasn't sure what his place in her life was. He had watched her door, like Anderson asked, but he had also gone inside it, certainly not what Anderson had asked for. But Shepard had. And it was worth the rebuke the next day, when Anderson asked about the beers and the cards and the talking that had happened inside Shepard's room. James was honest, it was just a distraction for the both of them. Two soldiers: one out of place amongst the order, the other out of place because of it. Their own helplessness had bonded them and James felt perhaps that casual night had been more than a simple distraction. James had come into the arrangement intimidated and subordinate and left as an equal because that was just how Shepard made people feel. And he had made her laugh and it delighted him in ways he had never experienced. He hadn't seen her smile until then and it was then when he realized that. He became angry, so angry he went to Anderson.

_Respect_, he demanded, _why the hell can't you atleast give her that. Let her keep her dignity, let her out of her prison. _

Anderson gave him a harsh warning but his sagging face told James what his words couldn't. _I'm sorry, I wish I could but it's not up to me._ So when he had fetched her for the committee James had called her Commander and she had lightly reprimanded him but her piercing green eyes studied him and James hoped she could see what he meant by that. It was everything unsaid between them; how James hated the treatment of her but also that he knew what plagued her, he had his own share of troubled military past to reflect on. She nodded and her eyes didn't leave James's face until Anderson called her name amongst the crowded hallway and she turned to him.

James had a horrible feeling about what would happen in that committee chamber. Shepard had the assholes who imprisoned her practically begging for her help and she would, in typical Commander Shepard style, jump at the chance. No doubt they would reinstate her, put her back on board the Normandy with the best crew possible and shoot her into the skies to die trying to stop the Reapers. And that sad look wouldn't ever leave her eyes until she died and James knew in his heart if his fears came true, he wouldn't be there to make her laugh one last time. When he took her hand outside the chamber doors he tried, again, to convey things to her he could never say with words. How much he would miss her, how badly she was truly needed, how much he… loved her. Her eyes were still sad but she managed a small quirk of a smile for him and squeezed his hand back and whispered _Lieutenant_ and James felt a pain quite acutely around the area of his heart. Then the pressure on his hand changed and she dropped him to turn and greet a stocky older Major and when she called him by name and smiled at him James heard a roaring in his ears. She left both men for the doors of the chamber and when they closed, James found himself standing by the Major. Though underneath he was snarling with jealousy he had his Lieutenant James Vega mask on, a mask he had created and perfected at the same time scars started showing up on him, both physically and emotionally.

_You know the Commander? _James had said, careful to call her by her title in case the major was one of those bastards who needed reminding of who she really was. The major did not notice or perhaps chose not to acknowledge James's display of allegiance.

_I used to_ he murmured and James turned his head slightly to see the pain in the major's brown eyes and for a moment James could see himself gazing out of those eyes at the closing doors of the committee chamber, lost in thought about the woman he loved.


End file.
